Clarity
Say what you mean and ask what you want to know. No detours, but kindly.
Predictability
Share the plan, time, place and expectations in advance. Announce changes early.
Freedom of choice
Reduce sensory input, allow breaks and don’t make every social gathering compulsory.
Key point 1Say clearly what you mean – no detours, no hints
His boss says: “Could you maybe have a look at whether that might be doable by Friday?” Alex answers: “Yes, I can have a look.” On Friday there is nothing on the desk. The boss is annoyed.
💡 For Alex it was a question, not a task. Better: “Please send me the report by Friday, 12 noon.”
Autistic people often take language literally. Hints, polite roundabout phrasing and requests in question form (“Could you maybe…”) therefore often don’t register as a task. That isn’t stubbornness, just a different way of handling language.
Instead of hints: direct, concrete sentences.
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Instead“It would be nice if someone could take a look at this.”Better“Please check the figures in table 3 by tomorrow noon.”
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Instead“Is it okay if we do it this way?” (when it isn’t actually negotiable)Better“We’re doing it this way. If you see a problem, tell me by this evening.”
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Instead“That was pretty good.”Better“The structure is very clear. Chapter 2 still needs examples.”
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Instead“We need to talk.”Better“I’d like to talk to you about the project budget for 15 minutes tomorrow at 10. It’s nothing dramatic.”
Who, what, by when
- Spell out tasks completely: What exactly should happen? By when? How much? How will we know it’s done?
- State priorities: “This is more important than …” is more helpful than “Just somehow do both”.
- Confirm in writing: A short email or chat message after the conversation takes load off memory and clears up misunderstandings.
- One thing at a time: Several tasks in one sentence are easily lost.
Irony, proverbs and rhetorical questions
Irony, sarcasm and figures of speech aren’t always recognised – and they can hurt when taken literally. If you want to be ironic, you can flag it briefly (“That was a joke”). Better to turn rhetorical questions (“Does that really have to happen now?”) into statements: “Please stop that.”
Clarity isn’t rudeness. Saying plainly what you need saves everyone guessing, frustration and misunderstandings. And asking is allowed: “Do you mean that literally?” can go both ways.
Key point 2Invite, but don’t expect: after-work drinks and company events are not compulsory
Alex skips the company apéro for the third time. Some colleagues find him aloof. Yet at lunchtime he sits in the park with a teammate and talks about the teammate’s project for two hours.
💡 Small talk in noisy groups costs Alex a lot of energy. One to one, he is a wonderful person to talk to.
Many autistic people get tired quickly in groups, in noise and during casual chatting – but in a one-to-one conversation they are attentive, thoughtful, interested and reliable. Judging them only by the apéro shows only a small part of them.
How to keep an invitation friendly rather than pressure
- Invite, but without expectation: “You’re warmly invited – come if it suits you.” Declining isn’t a rejection of you.
- No hidden obligation: If taking part counts as a loyalty test or a career factor, many people find that unfair. Important information shouldn’t be shared only at the apéro.
- Share the details beforehand: start, duration, place, programme, who’s coming, dress code, food. The fewer surprises, the better.
- Allow people to come and leave early: Being there for an hour is a real contribution. No comments about leaving early.
- Offer quieter options: a seat at the edge, a quiet side room, smaller groups.
- Offer one-to-one time: lunch, a walk, a coffee. That is often where the best relationships grow.
Among friends and in the family, too
Alex cancels a friend’s birthday party and suggests going for a walk together on Sunday instead.
💡 That isn’t withdrawal. It’s an offer of a way in which closeness works well for him.
- Declining isn’t a sign of missing affection. Often it is protection from overload.
- Suggest alternative get-togethers: a quiet place, a small group, a clear time.
- When people visit, offer places to retreat, such as a quiet room.
- After an event the person often needs quiet. Don’t plan the next meeting straight away.
Key point 3A workplace with less sensory input often helps more than any conversation
Alex works in an open-plan office with headphones on. A colleague taps him on the shoulder every few minutes because he wants to ask “just a quick question”.
💡 For Alex every interruption is a new stimulus. A chat message would be far more comfortable for him.
Sensory overload is one of the biggest energy drains (see Sensory sensitivity and Hyperacusis). Many improvements are simple and often benefit the whole team.
A quiet spot
A corner rather than a thoroughfare, away from the printer, kitchen and phones. Back to the wall.
Headphones allowed
Ear protection or headphones are work equipment, not rudeness.
Home-office days
For focused work, especially documents, analysis or programming.
In writing, not called across the room
Chat or email for questions. If it’s urgent: call or give a heads-up, don’t surprise.
Light
No flickering, no harsh fluorescent tubes, adjustable lamps if possible.
Breaks
Short time-outs without having to explain. A walk or a quiet room counts as working time.
Meetings that help everyone
- Agenda in advance: Send the topic, goal, duration and expected contributions beforehand.
- Minutes afterwards: Record decisions and tasks in writing.
- Build in thinking time: Ask questions in advance or allow answers afterwards. Instant answers are often hard.
- Organise who speaks when: Everyone talking at once makes a group unreadable for many people. Going round the table helps.
- Prepare brainstorming: Collect ideas beforehand, not only on the spot in the room.
- Camera and sound: Don’t force people to turn on the camera in video calls. Offer chat as a second channel.
Key point 4Announce changes early and explain them
On Thursday evening Alex learns that from Monday the team will work with a new procedure and another colleague will take over his project. He reacts by withdrawing and giving curt answers. People find him “inflexible”.
💡 It isn’t the change alone that overwhelms him, but the short notice and that nobody explains what stays the same.
When much of everyday life is unpredictable, fixed routines give support. Sudden changes then cost a lot of energy because everything has to be reorganised.
- Inform early: The more lead time, the better. Better too early than too late.
- Explain why: Why is it being changed? What is the goal?
- Say what stays the same: “Your team, your tasks and your workplace stay unchanged. The only new thing is …”
- Name concrete steps: What is different from when? Who is responsible? Where can questions go?
- Leave time to process: Questions are welcome. A reaction sometimes comes only the next day.
- Mention a plan B: What if something doesn’t work?
- Change in stages: Several novelties at once are especially stressful.
Even spontaneity can be prepared kindly: “The appointment might shift. I’ll let you know by 3 pm.” That way the person knows when things will become clear.
Key point 5Don’t take direct language personally – and give feedback in a matter-of-fact way yourself
In the project meeting Alex says: “That’s wrong.” The colleague who suggested it is hurt and says nothing more.
💡 Alex means the matter, not the person. A short conversation afterwards can clarify how both of them could put it better.
Autistic people often say directly what they think, without the usual soft wrapping. Usually what is meant is information, not an attack. At the same time, directness can feel hurtful to others. Both are true, and both can be improved.
If you feel hurt
- Ask about the intent: “What do you mean? Is it about the figures or about me?”
- Say calmly and concretely what came across: “When you said ‘wrong’, I felt exposed. It helps me when you say: ‘I see a problem here.’”
- Make a request: Agree on concrete behaviour instead of blaming: “In meetings, please ask first, then judge.”
- In private: Clear things up not in front of the group but one to one, ideally in writing or in a calm setting.
If you give criticism
- Factual and concrete: What was the problem? What would you like instead?
- No praise–criticism–praise sandwich: The criticism easily gets lost in it, or the praise seems insincere.
- Give time to think: The answer doesn’t have to come straight away.
- Recognise good work concretely: “You found the error in the calculation. That saved us a lot of time.” Specific praise works better than “well done”.
Misunderstandings arise in both directions (“double empathy problem”). Both sides can learn, and it helps to say so openly.
Key point 6Recognise overload and make withdrawal possible
In a workshop with lots of group exercises, Alex suddenly goes quiet, looks at the table and after a while leaves the room. The facilitator calls after him to ask if everything is all right.
💡 Right now he needs quiet, not questions. Later you can ask what would have helped.
When overloaded, people may fall silent, withdraw, become irritable or lose their composure (see Meltdowns and shutdowns). That is not deliberate and not a lack of interest.
What helps
- Give space and quiet, reduce sensory input
- Speak little and calmly
- Accept withdrawal without explanation
- Calmly ask later what would have helped
- Agree beforehand how to handle such a moment
What doesn’t help
- Following, pressing, arguing
- “Pull yourself together”
- Making it a topic in front of others
- Taking offence at the withdrawal
- Reading the behaviour as defiance or drama
Knowing the early warning signs together
If you know the signs (short answers, irritability, more stimming, covering the ears, an urge to flee), you can offer breaks early. It’s best to ask calmly: “Do you need a break?” – and accept a clear yes or no.
Key point 7Use strengths on purpose instead of compensating for weaknesses
Alex gets the monotonous data check that everyone else avoids and hands it in error-free after a week. Then he spots a flaw in the process that nobody had noticed for years.
💡 Where stamina, accuracy and an eye for detail are needed, Alex is worth his weight in gold.
Many autistic people bring qualities that are rare and valuable in teams. If you know them, you can assign tasks so that those qualities make a difference.
Eye for detail
Errors and inconsistencies are spotted quickly. Good for checking, testing, quality, analysis.
Stamina with repetition
Repetitive tasks are done accurately and without tiring.
Systematic thinking
Recognising structures, rules and patterns, building processes cleanly.
Deep expertise
Special interests turn people into experts.
Reliability and honesty
Agreements hold. You know where you stand.
Concentration
With interesting tasks, long, undisturbed work is possible (hyperfocus).
Shaping tasks and roles to fit
- Clear responsibilities: who decides, who does what, who is the contact person.
- Allow independence: Set the goal and the framework, leave the route open.
- Don’t push people into roles that mainly demand small talk and networking if there is another way.
- Use special interests: If a topic fits the work, motivation is often very high.
- Show appreciation concretely, not just through attendance at the apéro.
- Enable development: Offer career paths through specialist expertise, not only through management.
Key point 8Write a “user guide” together – and ask instead of guessing
Alex returns to the team after a burnout. His new manager asks: “What do you need for things to go well – and how will I notice when it tips over?” Alex writes down one page.
💡 Asking instead of guessing saves both sides a lot of energy.
Every autistic person is different. The best thing you can do is to ask – and to ask concretely. A short written “user guide” helps because you can look things up in it in everyday life.
A template for the conversation
What helps me: clear written tasks, quiet workspaces, advance notice of changes.
What stresses me: spontaneous questions called across the room, open-plan noise, unclear expectations.
How you can tell it’s too much: I go quiet, answer curtly, withdraw.
What helps then: a short break, quiet, checking in later.
How to tell me something: directly, concretely, preferably in writing.
The document belongs to the person. They decide what to share with whom. It isn’t passed on without their consent.
Disclosure: voluntary and based on trust
Whether someone tells others about their diagnosis is a personal decision, with no obligation. Anyone who does deserves confidentiality and a matter-of-fact reaction rather than pity or labelling. Adjustments at work can often be discussed with a manager or the HR department.
And the other way round: what autistic people can do themselves
Working together goes both ways. It can help to:
- Name your needs concretely instead of hoping others will guess them
- Ask when something is unclear: “Is this a request or a task? By when?”
- Briefly explain when you withdraw: “I need a break, I’ll be back in 20 minutes.”
- Accept feedback, even when it is meant differently from how it lands
- Agree shared rules for handling criticism and overload
In short
- Clear is kind: say concretely what you mean, without hints, irony or questions that are really tasks.
- Invite, but don’t expect: after-work drinks and company events are not compulsory. Many strengths show best in one-to-one conversation.
- A workplace with less sensory input, an agenda in advance and written communication often help more than good intentions.
- Announce changes early, explain them and say what stays the same.
- Directness is usually information, not an attack. Feedback works best when it is concrete, factual and in private.
- When someone is overloaded: give quiet, don’t follow them, check in later.
- Use strengths on purpose: eye for detail, stamina, reliability, expertise.
- Ask instead of guessing: a shared “user guide” saves both sides energy.